


When Never Again Becomes a Broken Promise

by hepcatliz, InsaneRedDragon



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, M/M, Pre-Kingsman: The Golden Circle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-08
Updated: 2018-12-08
Packaged: 2019-09-12 09:21:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16870321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hepcatliz/pseuds/hepcatliz, https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsaneRedDragon/pseuds/InsaneRedDragon
Summary: Harry and Merlin take some time to get there, but they find themselves promised to each other. It's only after Harry's death that Merlin and Eggsy finding a different promise to keep.





	When Never Again Becomes a Broken Promise

Harry stands looking down into the hangar, waiting for the shuttle to make it’s way back to the mansion. His hand grips the window frame tightly as he stares off into the distance.

He’d nearly missed it, the faint hum drowned out by the sounds of gunfire and yelling. But then he’d heard it, a foreign enough sound that he’d risked leaving the relative safety behind the desk to open the nearby cabinet.

He’d nearly been too late. The timer counting down from an impossibly low number. Casing welded shut, no accessible wires, no computer, just a simple timer and enough explosives to level the building.

Harry closes his eyes and lets out a long breath. He still feels the heat scorching over his back, the force of the hot air causing him to stumble even as he raced across the pavement. He reaches up and touches his left shoulder, sore and bandaged under his fresh suit, where a piece of flying sheet metal had sliced into him, spilling hot blood down his arm.

One minute later and Harry would be dead. Three inches lower and Harry’d be dead. The hand hanging at his side starts to tremble.

The sound of the shuttle arriving and the door opening pulls Harry from his thoughts. He clears his throat, straightens his jacket, and turns to head back to the shop. He’s just taken a few steps towards the tube when Merlin flings open the glass door and storms into the room.

For a moment they just look at each other, and then Merlin is in his space, arms wrapped tightly around him. Without hesitation, Harry leans against Merlin’s chest. He turns his face to press against Merlin’s neck and his hands clutch fiercely into the back of his jumper.

A small part of Harry’s mind catalogues his scent - sandalwood, chocolate, and a hint of scotch - but the rest can only process the sudden relief of being held. Harry doesn’t do relationships, definitely not since joining Kingsman, and he can’t remember the last time he’s been held by anyone who actually cared.

Merlin turns his head and presses his nose into the hair at Harry’s temple. “When I saw that timer, I thought ye were dead,” he confesses. “Ye bloody bastard, don’t ever scare me like that again.”

Harry nods, and tightens his arms around Merlin’s back. “Of course, Merlin. Never again,” he promises.

\--

Merlin watches as Harry takes a hit and then the screen goes black.  Merlin's not exactly used to this, losing the feeds, but there are protocols in place that he immediately follows.

He doesn’t start to get anxious until hour 6.  At hour 11 he’s near frantic.  When he receives a telephone call at hour 13 and hears Harry’s voice on the other end it feels like he can finally breathe.

Merlin is waiting for Harry at his desk, attempting to keep occupied with his own paperwork.  He hadn’t left in the 13 hours prior, he sure as fuck wasn’t going to leave now.  He stands as Harry enters the room, strides quickly to close the distance and pins him against the wall.

“You promised,” he growls as he raises his hands to Harry’s face. Before Harry can respond Merlin is kissing him desperately.

Harry’s shock lasts only for a moment before he kisses Merlin back just as desperate.  They cling to each other, arms wrapped around shoulders and waists.

Merlin’s fingers dig into the back of Harry’s suit, his lips and tongue and teeth demanding more from Harry, like any second Merlin might wake up to find that Harry hadn’t come home and they’d never had this moment. Harry feels Merlin’s pulse thundering at his throat, underneath his palm, and it’s only then that he realizes that his is racing too. But not from fear, or relief, but desire.

Its there, in the hallway leading to the train, that they realize that this is more than simple comfort.  That those quiet nights watching DVDs and waking curled up together on the sofa meant more than they were willing to admit (even to themselves).

As they break apart Harry says, “I know, but I’m willing to make it up to you, my dear."

Harry doesn’t let go of Merlin’s hand as they enter the shuttle.

He gently runs his thumb over the back of Merlin’s knuckles as they take the lift up to the shop.

He holds tight as they step into the cab, Harry shuffling awkwardly over the seat to let Merlin step in and sit beside him.

There are words passed between them, their usual casual discourse that neither of them will remember tomorrow. What Harry is sure he’ll remember, however, is the way Merlin’s fingers fit between his own. How a jostle of the cab shifts Merlin’s shoulder closer to his own, close enough that they are brushing together, and that Merlin never shifts away.

He’ll remember Merlin’s face when their eyes meet and a crimson flush spreads high over his cheeks. He looks back at Harry with a maelstrom of emotions, and all Harry can think is _now I’ll never let you go_.

\--

He was the first Merlin to not take advantage of a private office.  He remembered in his training how everyone referred to the previous Merlin as The Hermit and the office as The Crystal Cave.  He figured it would be better to be _accessible_ to the Knights, to better earn their trust, and so he set up shop in the shuttle bay.  It was a simple solution and it worked.  Despite his youth he knew he had gained the trust of even the eldest and most stubborn Knights.  

Merlin was glad he had made this choice years later. He and Harry had been together for ages, decades even, though they were private about it.  Maybe one or two fellow Knights really knows about their relationship. But he's heard the idle gossip about them, although it hasn’t evolved any further because they're never really alone at work.  He could only imagine the rumours if he’d used his office, and truthfully he was also glad to not have the temptation of a closed door. They were spies, and they didn't need a closed door to keep their secret.

But now, with Harry gone, there is no reason for Merlin to stay in the shuttle bay.  He moves into the Merlin’s office, for the first time, when they return from taking down Valentine.

He buries himself in tech.  He tells everyone that there is a mother lode of new stuff to research after V-Day.  He stops overseeing missions, telling himself he has to focus on the tech and training the new Knights.  (Its not because he can’t get the image of Harry’s feed going blue out of his head, absolutely not because of that.)

Percival seems to understand, and he supports Merlin as much and as best as he can. Roxy takes her cues from her mentor, brings Merlin tea and a sandwich whenever she’s at HQ. It's well meaning, and he allows it, but it doesn't do much to fill the emptiness inside him.

\--

Eggsy knows he and Merlin share something over Harry’s death. Harry had been his mentor, his friend. He had become one of the most important people in his life. He was the only person who could even remotely understand the loss that Merlin felt, and Eggsy knew that it was so much greater than the Harry shaped hole that Eggsy felt every day. It's because of that, that he knows he can't just watch Merlin suffer alone.

At first Eggsy attempts to commandeer a chair in the corner of Merlin's office and just hang out, but Merlin is quite straightforward and tells Eggsy to get out. He has no time for distractions, he says, even though Eggsy knows that's a lie.

But Eggsy is persistent, and he keeps trying until one day Merlin is half asleep at his desk, fiddling with some gadget he’s been working on for years, and he doesn’t hear Eggsy come in and sit down. In fact he doesn’t notice him at all until he finally gets the damn thing to work, and he reaches for his glasses to ping Harry and tell him he’s finally done it.

It's like a reflex, and Merlin couldn’t have stopped himself even if he was with it enough to do so. He’d always call Harry when he finally sorted out some buggering piece of tech, blather on about the details regardless of caring if Harry knew what he was actually talking about. He knew Harry was proud of him in these moments and thrilled when Harry said the actual words. When Merlin realizes what he’s doing, he stops and lets out an ugly sob.

Eggsy stands quickly up and comes over with a mug of lukewarm tea. He sits on the edge of desk, just like Harry used to, and Merlin loses his composure and Eggsy just takes his hand and holds it for as long as it takes for Merlin to cry.

He's glad to have Eggsy there in that moment.  He’d buried himself so deep and so far in his cave he hadn’t made time for his grief.  Merlin had never been great with “the romance” but he believed Harry was his one and only love. They promised long ago to never let go and he kept his promises.  But he was thankful now that Eggsy had insinuated himself into his life.

After that, Eggsy stops using his own office for paperwork, instead just bringing it all down to Merlin’s to fill out. They don’t talk but there is something comforting about having Eggsy there, someone who he knows is grieving just as hard as he is.

They grow closer, Eggsy there for him in a way he didn’t think he’d have again.  And he in turn is there for Eggsy, comforting him when he wakes from nightmares of Harry being shot after he falls asleep in the chair.  Their bond is more than simple friendship though, with a sharing of such experiences and such loss there is a love that grows between them. 

Eggsy finally convinces Merlin to leave The Cave for more than a few hours with the promise of Thai food and the latest rom-com.  Merlin lasts 15 minutes into the movie before Eggsy feels his head fall onto his shoulder. Eggsy is impressed, he thought Merlin’d be out after 5.  He pulls Merlin closer, and smiles to himself as Merlin settles with a sigh.

Despite his bravado Eggsy knew he was ace for years.  It just seemed easier at home to fake interest in birds, gave Dean one less thing to hound him over.  But to be here with Merlin, to know Merlin felt safe with him, Eggsy feels happy for the first time in a long, long time.

He finds himself whispering a promise, that he’ll keep Merlin safe and happy, that he will take care of him.  Eggsy startles when Merlin mutters “and I you lad” but chuckles as he pulls him just a little closer.


End file.
